Books on my Bookshelf

Books on my real (and virtual) bookshelf for the weekend:

Almost Perfect  -- A painfully honest book that deals with transexuality and homophobia. Logan, the main character, is a senior in high school, dealing with both a painful break-up and the arrival of a new girl at school.  A new girl who he finds out isn't really a girl.  I'm 150 pages in and stayed up way too late last night, trying to sneak in a few extra pages.

Beautiful Demons -- Sarra Cannon is the featured author over at Kindle YA Authors today.  The great excerpt posted and the tempting price point -- 99 cents -- prompted me to download it and give it a go.  I can't wait to start reading it!

Fun with Dude and Betty -- Yes.  This is a picture book. We found it at our local library on the What's New shelf and, two pages in, I was on my knees, laughing over this surferized version of the mundane Dick and Jane books. As a kid who grew up on the beaches of San Diego, this took me right back to the gnarly waves and bodacious bods of all my surfer boys.  Dude, check out this righteous book.  Now.

 The Raven -- Yes, that The Raven. I'm teaching a class about Famous Americans and wanted to start off with a classic author.  Credited with creating both the mystery and science fiction genres -- as well as contributing some of the creepiest stories and poems in the entire English Literature canon -- well, Edgar Allen Poe was a no-brainer. 

Thread of Hope -- I didn't use to be a huge mystery fan.  Jeff Shelby turned me around on that.  I've read this once already but I'm revisiting it.  Yeah, I actually like it that much.  A tragic hero, a heart-wrenching subplot and a fast-paced story with snappy dialogue and unexpected plot twists and turns make this one a fantastic read.

MIA for a reason

There is a HUGE reason why I have been MIA over the last six months. Well, besides being a single mom to three kids whose schedules always take precedence over my own...

The reason? You know that manuscript that I have had shoved aside for like two years? Yeah, I dug it out. And edited it. And shared it with people. And polished it up a little. And...deep breath...it's ready.  

It's going to be published. Like, have a fancy book cover design and everything. People will be able to buy it.

It's a football-field-sized step for me. I'm excited.  

And slightly terrified. 

SET IN STONE by Beth Balmanno. Coming very, very soon. 

Vomit and Vegas...and Dolphins, too

I'm on a beach on the Emerald Coast in Florida. It is sticky hot and I am itching to get in the water. Especially since there is a bottlenose dolphin mere yards from shore, frolicking just past the break. I can almost hear him calling out to me: "Come in, Beth! Wade past the thick, snake-like June grass and swiiimmm with me!" This is my moment, my time to commune with the great marine mammals of the sea.


My phone rings. It's the kids, calling from Vegas where they are vacationing with their dad. I am on my own vacation. I could leap for the water right then and call them back later. But I don't. Being a dutiful, loving mother, I answer. It could be a quick phone call, right? Once I tell them a dolphin is waiting for me, they'll say a nice I love you and hang up. After all, I'm on vacation.


"I just saw a dolphin!! He wants me to swim with him!"


Nick is on the other end. "That's nice. I got thrown up on last night."


"Um...what?"


"I. Got. Thrown. Up. On."


He's there in Vegas with his cousins. I wonder which one overate. "Eww. Who got sick?"


"No. You don't understand. I went to the bathroom in some casino. And I was closing the bathroom stall and some random guy burst through the door and threw up on me."


"What?" This isn't going to be a quick one.


"Yeah. And then he left and went into the other stall and threw up in there."


"And it was all over you? Like, you were covered in vomit?"


"Yeah. And then I left the stall and some Japanese dude was standing by the sink and he says to me, 'Ohhhh, looks like he gotcha!'."


The sweat is pooling and the dolphin is becoming less frolick-y. I think he's becoming impatient.


"Well, what did you do?"


"I took off my shoes and handed them to Max."


"Why?"


"Because they were covered with throw up and I didn't want to hold them. And Max says to me, 'What's all this on your shoe?' and I tell him and he drops it. So I made Daddy carry them."


"Oh." I don't want to cut him off. But there is a dolphin waiting for me!


He continues. "So we went back to the hotel room and I took a shower and then we threw my shoes into the bathtub."


"Well, good. So it all ended up okay." The dolphin is moving further out. I decide to help Nick along. "I'm glad. Say, I'm getting kinda hot and the dolphin is still --"


"But then we went to bed and I had to get up in the middle of the night to pee."


"Uh-huh."


"So I went into the bathroom and stepped in something wet. And I was kinda worried that someone else had thrown up in our bathroom."


"Yeah, I could see that..." I crane my neck. The dorsal fin is disappearing.


"But it wasn't."


"Oh, good. OK, hon. I'm gonna --"


"Nah, it turns out Daddy left the tap running in the bathtub. So the water overflowed."


"What?"


"Yeah. He forgot to turn the water off. So we had to clean up the whole bathroom. At like one o'clock in the morning!"


Gone. The dolphin is G-O-N-E.


I sigh and settle back into my beach chair. "Wow. Why don't you tell me about it?"


"I just did. Anyway, we're going to breakfast now. Love you, Mom. Bye!"


He hangs up on me. I race toward the water. I maneuver past the wall of June grass tangled in the surf. The dolphin is long gone. A man wearing a cowboy hat stands a few yards away from me.


"Better keep an eye out. Just saw a jellyfish right about where you're standin'."


That is one marine creature I don't wanna commune with. So I wrestle back through the seaweed and make my way to my chair.


Thoughts of the dolphin are gone. Instead, I'm thinking about vomit and Vegas...and how I'll always wait for my kids. Sometimes patiently. Sometimes not.


Even when a dolphin is almost waiting for me.

Blood-suckers. No, not my kids...

We live in Tick Central, USA. All those cute, adorable deer that traipse through my back yard? Yeah, they are loaded. And when they munch my hostas and mow my tulips to the ground, they tend to leave behind more than just tiny brown pellets. They deposit something else, too -- those blood-sucking arachnids who just happen to lay in wait for the next unsuspecting, warm-blooded victims. My kids.


Apart from cat escapes and tornadic weather, the two older ones fear tick attachment more than anything else. We should own stock in the non-DEET tick repellent -- or at least buy the bottles in bulk. The cloud of insect spray left behind in the house as they exit the front door lingers....for hours.


Anyway, both older kids have had ticks this summer. I've had a tick this summer (which, seriously, is just disgusting. It's one thing to be all calm and cool removing one from your kids. But from your own body? Ewwwwww.). Even Jeff, visiting from Texas, had a hitchhiker. His reaction when I spotted it and offered to remove it? "Yes. Please. Get it off me!!"


Julia, however, has not. At first I thought it was just luck. You know, maybe she's just not as adventurous as the older kids, or outside as much, or whatever. Nope. The kid is a born daredevil and lives to be outside, rolling down the grassy, tick-infested hill.


Then I got to thinking. She is a little...feisty. Spunky. OK...A Major Pill. Maybe even the ticks know that. And avoid her at all costs.


It seemed logical. Well, as logical as I get.


So last week I took Nick and Julia to do some volunteering at the local historical farm. Ethan, one of Nick's friends, came along to help. We spent an hour there in the rain (another story), harvesting peas and lettuce and turnips for the food shelf and checking in on our garden fairy. We finished up and headed home.


And started finding ticks. This is the conversation from the first tick discovery:


Ethan: I have a tick. (holds it between his forefingers)


Me: Gross! Where was it?


Ethan: Crawling up my arm.


Nick: (looking nervously around the kitchen for hordes of ticks marching menacingly across the floor) Are there any more?


Ethan: Nah, I don't think so.




They go back outside. Two minutes later:




Ethan: I found another one!


Me: Gross! Where was it?


Ethan: On my head!


Kim (Ethan's mom): How did you get one on your head? I thought you were gardening!


Nick: (in a panicked voice) Mom, check me!


I turn to look at him. His shirt is off and his shorts are around his ankles. He looks like he's waiting for a TSA pat-down. Minus his clothes.


Me: OMG. I am only checking your head.


Hayley: (appearing from nowhere) Check me, too!!


Me: You weren't even there!!!


Julia: Me, too! Me, too! Check me! Check me!


Me: Ticks don't like you, Julia.


I scan Nick's head. His head only. No ticks. I do a cursory look through Hayley's hair. No ticks. Duh. I start to breathe easier.


Julia: Me! Me! My turn! My turn!


I lift her baby fine blond hair. And find...a tick.


Me: OMG. You have a tick.


Julia: I do?


Me: Yep. Hang on a minute. Let me get the tweezers.


(Because I can't actually touch the ticks. Ewwwww!)


I race upstairs, hoping she doesn't dissolve into tears like the other two would in the same situation.


She doesn't. Instead, she begins to sing:


"I have a ti-ick! I have a ti-ick!"


Like she's just won the lottery. The tick lottery.


I get the tweezers and pull the tick -- and some hairs -- off her head. She watches as we flush it down the toilet.


"Do you think I'll get another one?"


I'm not mistaken. There is actually a thread of hope in her voice.


At least she's not afraid of them. Right???

Growing...and growing...

I am two inches taller. Seriously. Two inches taller. I had a physical the other day, the kind where the nurse travels to your home with black leather medical bag in hand, ready to weigh and measure and take your blood all within the comfort of your living room. My nurse, Vicky, was a chatty woman who thankfully didn't mind the very obtrusive nature of my four cats. She petted them and cooed at them while she quizzed me about my non-existent smoking and drinking habits. She regaled me with stories of her adventures at a local nursing home with her Newfoundland, Cheyenne, as she handed me a cup to urinate in.

Once those details were out of the way, she measured me. I stood against the wall, barefoot and straight-backed while she fiddled. We returned to the table and she said, rather nonchalantly, "You measured 5'4 1/2" but they ask us to round up on these forms, so I'm listing you at 5'5"."


WHOA.


"I'm 5'2"," I blurted out.


"No, you're not."


"No, wait," I stammered. "I'm 5'2 and a 1/2. I have always been 5'2 and a 1/2."


Vicky looked at me doubtfully. "I could measure again?"


"YES!" I leaped from my chair and assumed my position against the wall.


She measured again, more carefully this time, and I waited for her to admit her mistake.


"Well, you're still 5'4 and a 1/2."


I followed her back to the table, numb with shock. I should point out that she decided to take this particular opportunity to check my blood pressure -- gee, thanks, Vicky -- and somehow, someway, it was a very stable 110/68. Even though my heart was racing. Almost as fast as my mind.


You know how you have those physical markers you use to identify you? The things you know to be true? I have blond hair. Green eyes. Two piercings in each ear. I wear a size 6 1/2 shoe. A 34B bra. And I am 5'2 1/2" tall.


Or, rather, I was.


Some of those physical features can be modified. I can dye my hair (which I do). I can add another piercing (I did). I can wear a padded bra (ahem. Guilty of that sometimes...). Having babies made my feet grow slightly. If I wanted to, I could wear color contacts and change my eye color (I don't. I like my eyes). And I can wear heels to be taller (which I do. Often.).


But to have someone say you've grown two inches? When you're 40? For me, that would be like waking up and looking in the mirror and seeing blazing blue eyes staring back at me. Or a mop of red curls atop my head.


I stopped growing when I was 10. I was the tallest and biggest-breasted girl in my 5th grade class. And I stopped. Through all of my physicals over the years, through three pregnancies and the requisite exams those entailed, my height has remained the same. Always.


The last time I went in for a physical was three years ago. Guess what? I was 5'2 and 1/2.


So what happened? There were no growth hormone pills, no get-tall-quick schemes, no yoga, no chiropractics to attribute it to. Nothing.


Except this. The last couple of years have been transforming for me. Personally. Emotionally. Professionally, even. Through a series of self-discovery and external events, I have found my wings. I have grown.


Even, apparently, two inches on the outside.

Classics for Kids

Fellow homeschoolers, teacher friends, or anyone who enjoys classic lit -- or, rather, anyone who doesn't enjoy the classics -- I have a favor to ask.


I have written condensed, abbreviated plays for the homeschool co-op we are involved in. These are 30-45 minute plays -- one of The Odyssey and one of Midsummer Night's Dream. I'm thinking of e-publishing them. You know, to try to make a few pennies so I don't have to go out and try to find a real job.


Anyway, I need some betas. People who will read them and tell me if they suck. And, if they don't, people willing to offer a blurb for the e-book, either published in the book or as a comment on Amazon, a future web site, etc.


A quick run-down. These plays are written as the skeleton of these classics. They have been stripped down and put into language kids -- and non-English Lit majors -- can understand. The story and characters all ring true to the originals and they are presented in script format so that kids can perform. Each e-book will include the play itself (usually 15-25 pages long), a list of the cast of characters, and author notes from yours truly.


Reading time? Maybe 20 minutes.


Any takers? Email me and I'll send you the .pdf.

Summer Fun

Every year, the kids and I make a list of things we want to do during the summer. I had no idea other people did this. I had no idea they created a Summer Bucket List complete with a bright beach bucket to hold their ideas, with color-coded slips of paper to indicate the length of time involved for each activity. You know, yellow for all-day events, blue for half-day, etc. Yeah, we always just wrote down a list and slapped it up on the fridge. Guess we could be a little fancier...


Anyway, this is what we came up with after our brainstorming session last night. Tell me, what activities are we missing?


1. Go strawberry picking
2. Have a backyard campout
3. Bake cookies in the car
4. Visit Walker Art Center
5. Franconia Sculpture Garden with friends
6. Have a lemonade stand
7. Visit Childrens' Museum with friends
8. Como Zoo to see polar bears
9. Bunker Beach water park
10. Duluth trip with friends
11. River Rats water ski show
12. Minor league baseball game
13. Play tennis
14. Science Museum with friends
15. Minneapolis Farmer's Market
16. Arboretum
17. Make homemade ice cream
18. Campfire with friends
19. Elk River music concert
20. Royalton Treasure Island store
21. Get pictures done with Ria
22. Picnic with friends (are you noticing a theme here? Clearly it is not enough to just do these things with mom...)
23. Twin Lakes
24. Observation deck at IDS Center
25. Sprinkler under trampoline
26. Hide a letterbox
27. Find a letterbox
28. Orienteering
29. Find river otters
30. Visit St. Cloud Quarry Park
31. Visit another county fair
32. Sara Lee bakery tour
33. Make homemade lemonade
35. Make fairy houses
36. Have a water balloon fight
37. Trash pick-up at a lake or river
38. Feed My Starving Children
39. Magnifying glass experiments
40. Family bike ride
41. Go to a drive-in movie
42. Pick blueberries